We Just Grew Apart. That's Still a Loss.

We were friends for eight years. It started because I was new at school and he was the first person who made me feel welcome. We bonded over video games, music, and playing basketball on his court. It was the kind of friendship where showing up together was easy.

A few things pulled us apart over time. Moving made things harder. We also ended up with different friend groups, and things got a little tense when those groups started having their own issues with each other. We both just started pulling away, little by little. There was no single moment I can point to. Whenever we did hang out, we still had a great time.

There’s no contact between us now. The last time I reached out was to send a message of condolence when his brother passed away from an illness. I didn’t even have his number anymore. I found a way to reach him because I wanted him to know I was thinking of him. Neither of us ever tried to bring the friendship back.

It happened during that stretch where everyone’s figuring out how to be an adult. Busy stretches turned into longer busy stretches, and one day it just became something we weren’t making an effort toward anymore. There was never any malice between us, or resentment either. At least none that I ever felt from him. There’s no villain in this story. If anything, the villain is time, circumstances, and a loud, busy world that pulls people in a hundred directions.

I grieve for what we had and for what could have been. There was a point where we were joined at the hip. We always had fun together, every single time.

People treat “we just grew apart” like it’s no big deal because it takes the sting out of it. It lets everyone off the hook. Honestly, it kind of dismisses that there was ever a real connection there at all.

Nothing really helped, if I’m being honest. I sometimes search his name just to get a sense of how his life turned out. Mostly I just smile thinking about the silly things we used to do together. I hope he’s doing well. I’m mostly at peace with it.